It's been a long time since I've gotten into any trouble with the law. This time it's different, my attorney tells me I am looking at facing some time behind bars. He also tells me that if I help the cops and work with them to bust people charges against me we be weakened.

So, I talk to the cop for a bit. They want me to keep in touch and call them from time to time. How can I help them if I was on the news? Beside, isn't it their job to go find the crooks on their own. Further more, I hate the person that set me up. So evil, that this person bring me his mishaps that he go into trouble elsewhere on me. I would be a low life shit if I go out and do what some one has bought to me for my bad deeds.

My sentencing date is in 5-6 months. Who knows, the judge might give me some probation and community service. Who knows, only time will tell. My mom and dad are so worried. I've accepted whatever comes my way, I knew what I was getting into the moment I agreed to. I guess I don't care with life, that's maybe why my parents worry so much. As for regret, nothing really bothers me. I wouldn't suggest people follow my footsteps though if they can't face fear.

In the mean time, I'm going to volunteer to do everything in the community. I guess I want to show that I can give back to the community. In the end, I might even be a better person.

Years back I read bout people that were afraid of success and the things they would do to themselves to accomplishing important goals. I though to myself why these people don't try harder when they are within touching reach of the finish line. What to be so bad that they can't finish what they worked so hard for.

As of lately I realize I became the person that I once though that I would never hope to become. In a way I am just as bad and at times even worst myself. So many things are just going uncompleted everyday and it's like it keeps gaining more grounds for a battle that will inevole be my downfall.

It's just me I guess. The only person that can make a change is the person that wants it enough. Damn it, I would hate myself if I was in the same spot 2-3years from now.

My vacation trip is next week and I look forward to escaping this place for a bit. It will be a timeout to think up a new game plan for what can be done and the things that I will have to face head on.

I usually am just a cold person. Someone that don't really cry for anything or any one. How life just change in a single night and will impact beyond belief. I tell myself things will be better, how will things ever be better with you gone Hai. You're someone I would protect from the wrongs in life, even if things seem impossible you give me courage to be a stronger person  . Sometimes I feel as if I've let you down, now it just destroys me from the inside.

Memories of you when we first met.  You were only a baby, but I told myself that I will be by your side regardless. I watched you grow in time. Then Minh came along and life just improved with our family as a whole. Life was so perfect, even if I didn't really know at the moment.

I miss you my loving brother. There's so much I never told you that I learn from you with the time we spent together. You made me a better person, when I let myself down. You tried for what you believe in and accept the hardship was attached.

Lost for words again...